Breaking the Cycle: Addressing Childhood Patterns in Your Current Relationship
Let's face it: if you're in a relationship, your childhood stuff is going to show up. It's not a question of if, but when. And here's the kicker – those patterns you learned way back when? They're running the show more than you might realize.
Welcome to the journey of breaking generational patterns, where we learn to spot those sneaky childhood blueprints and actually do something about them. Because let's be real, the goal isn't to pretend they don't exist – it's to recognize them, understand them, and choose a different path forward.
The Reality Check
First things first, let's bust a myth wide open: everyone has baggage from their childhood. You know those people who claim they had a perfect upbringing and have no issues? They're either not being honest with themselves, or they're not looking deep enough. Research shows that our early experiences shape our relationship patterns in profound ways.
Let me tell you about Jenny and Mike, a couple I worked with recently. They came to me convinced they were "toxic" for each other because they kept having the same fight over and over. Jenny would get quiet when Mike raised his voice, which made him feel ignored, so he'd get louder, which made her retreat more... Sound familiar?
Turns out, Jenny grew up in a house where silence was safety, and Mike learned early that being loud was the only way to be heard. Once they understood these patterns, everything shifted.
Your Past Isn't Your Partner's Fault
Here's a truth bomb for you: when your childhood stuff gets triggered, it can feel like your partner is the problem. But here's the deal – they're just the messenger. That trigger? It's pointing to something that needs your attention.
In a session last week, a client had an "aha" moment that I have to share (details changed for privacy, of course). She realized that her intense reaction to her husband working late wasn't actually about him – it was about her dad who was never home for dinner. Mind. Blown.
The Path Forward: It's Not About Perfection
Let's talk about what actually works when it comes to breaking these cycles:
Name it to tame it: Start noticing when you're in a childhood pattern. Is your heart racing? Are you suddenly feeling like a small child? That's your cue.
Get curious, not furious: Instead of beating yourself up (or blaming your partner), ask yourself: "What's really getting triggered here?"
Share your story: Let your partner in on what you're discovering. Trust me, it's a game-changer.
Real Talk
Here's something I learned the hard way: sometimes, the things that drive us absolutely crazy about our partners are actually mirrors of our own unhealed parts. I remember losing it when my partner wouldn't share their feelings – only to realize I was recreating my own childhood dynamic of trying to get an emotionally unavailable parent to open up.
That's the kind of breakthrough we dig into in my 1:1 Adjustment Coaching sessions. We get real about these patterns, understand where they come from, and actually do something about them.
Ready for Your Own Breakthrough?
If you're reading this and thinking, "Okay, this hits way too close to home," you're exactly where you need to be. Your childhood patterns don't have to keep running the show. You can write a new story.
Book a Prep Call with me, and let's talk about what that could look like for you. Because here's what I know for sure: understanding your patterns is just the beginning. The real magic happens when you learn to break free from them.
Remember, the goal isn't to erase your past – it's to build something new from it. Something steady, something real, something that feels like the relationship you've always wanted.
Here for you, Davina
P.S. Feeling like this is exactly what you and your partner need right now? That's your intuition talking. Listen to it. Book that call. Let's start breaking those cycles together.
Breaking the Cycle: Addressing Childhood Patterns in Your Current Relationship
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